They Say Fools Rush In

I think you could safely call me a fool.

So now, my question -- how do you extract yourself from a relationship that was on track for marriage. Especially if you live with them? (Yea yea yea I know we probably never should have moved in together.) It just seemed so right. Now?

After arguing over simple shit like "you always give me the small piece of steak" ... (which resulted in me saying fug it then, I'm not cooking steak ever again)..... I realized I'm not meant for domesticity. I sort of always knew that. I thought, with him, it was different. I'm not so convinced anymore. I still dream of moving out the country. Still.

A friend of mine just got a job teaching English in El Salvador at an American school. My god.... that's what I pictured for myself after leaving Teach For America. June marks the end of my TFA days.... and I'm not moving out of the country. It hurts... more than it does to think about ending our relationship.

I just don't know how. Which does not bode well.

The Taming of the ..... I mean, the Naming of the Child...

Who should name the kid?

In my opinion, seeing as how both the mother and father are completely necessary for the creation and raising of the child, they should compromise on a name. Apparently that is not how things work in some people's heads.

-__________-

First Love

When they decide that you can't even email them anymore....... what do you do?

Housewife, or lazy gold-digging wench?

Yesterday I was reading Monica Mingo's "Randoms of a creole princess" and sorta did my own in the comments... one thing in particular I actually wanted to write about on here. Yea. Finally. lol.

I used to think I didn't have a "passion". I'd see all my friends striving to be something... wanting to do something. Law school. Med school. Act. Model. Make clothes. Teach.

Then there was me. The girl who was good at everything, but didn't really care for anything. Sports. School. Management. Work. Doesn't matter, you name it, I can do it... with ease. But I never felt compelled to be anything, or do anything in particular. I had no passion -- and it was evident.

Then I realized, I AM passionate about certain things. I LOVE entertaining. I love cooking for friends, and my boyfriend. I love cleaning -- well. I love a clean apartment, and cleaning to music or a tv show is fun for me. I don't know if I necessarily love it. lol. I love when my bf comes home and the house smells good, I look good and I have a glass of wine, or shot of hennesy, waiting on him and he smiles. Hell, I love when he comes home. I love talking about hair. I love working out. I suck at decorating, but I love making our place feel like home. Creating a sanctuary.

I'm in love with being a housewife.


In this economic climate, it's not as easy for many families to be single-income. I get that. In this era of post-women's lib,  it seems like women who want to be housewives are judged as lazy and gold-digging. I get that, too. In Los Angeles County, the city where it seems EVERYONE has a corporate dream, or Hollywood dream, or just any old business dream, people look at anyone who wants to stay home like "what's wrong with you?" I get that, too.

But it's what I want. Stay home. Make a home. Be on committees, join book clubs. Learn new recipes. Figure out how to decorate. Work out. Learn to sew. Learn to Plan a wedding. Entertain. Support his career efforts. PTA, anyone? (Well, when we do have kids). Write a book, maybe?

I want to do all of these things, and more. So. At what point will my friends and family understand that?

Weekend Countdowns and silence

On Fridays I just want to kick back, let the kids do lots of independent work and wait for 3:30. But nawl. These lil heathens wanna be rowdy and show their lil asses.

Well. I got somethin for that ass. And it's called bookwork. At this moment my room is silent, and they're all doing the dreaded "actividades" from the book. Everytime I look up I see kids glaring at me..... But. I. Give. No. Damns!! Next time learn to calm down. Not gon ruin the start of MY weekend, hell.

LOL.

Marriage Questions

First off, I can't believe that I'm actually thinking about marriage. ME. The girl who has ALWAYS enjoyed my alone time more than the presence of anyone else. The girl who has ALWAYS felt "weird" or "strange" around other people who don't get it... who don't get me.

And here I am, really thinking about it.

Is six years to long to date someone without marrying them? I feel that it is... but I don't want to rush in to anything, either. If you've found that one person and everything is just right.... should you still wait a perfunctory time to marry?

Macho-ness will be the death of me.

One of the hardest things I've ever done is try to help someone who needed my help, but didn't want or like to admit they needed it. I wish certain men would stop being so damn macho and let me do what they can't. Shit.